Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
