gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
