I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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