Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
