i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
