You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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