I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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