You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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