your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
