Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
