I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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