I think my fart just growled at me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
