i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
