my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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