about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
