he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
