The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
