Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
