I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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