Can Purell be used as lube?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
