I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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