I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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