I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
