My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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