fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
