um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
