the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
