people are starting to question the shark bite story
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
