how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
