if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
