I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
