they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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