I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
