normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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