I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
