I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
