Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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