My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's get the cat blown out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The air taste purple.
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