I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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