it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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