he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we're making bets on your personal life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
