grandma shit on top of the toilet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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