I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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