Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
