Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
