Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
