I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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