apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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