i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
