you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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