My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
