is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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