He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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